Well, three movies in and I already missed a week. I would have thought I could make it a little longer, at least 5 or 6, but them’s the breaks. I will try to still get the next one out next week to keep on schedule. But this likely won’t be the last time I miss a week. But anyway, on to Die Another Day.
“James Bond is sent to investigate the connection between a North Korean terrorist and a diamond mogul, who is funding the development of an international space weapon.”
And we don’t even learn of that connection until a good hour or so into the movie. And you might not think that to be a bad thing, but you might also be wrong. That connection also leads to the reveal of the villain’s true plot. Which means you don’t even know what the movie is actually about until we’re past its halfway point. Not ideal. But let’s get some of the details out of the way before getting into the nitty gritty.
Bond: Pierce Brosnan (his 4th and final outing as 007) M: Judi Dench (4th of 7 appearance, 8 counting her brief cameo in Spectre) Q: John Cleese (2nd appearance but officially his 1st and only as Q. He played R in The World Is Not Enough) Moneypenny: Samantha Bond (also her 4th and final appearance; she played the role in all four Brosnan films) Director: Lee Tamahori (his only Bond film) Song: “Die Another Day” performed by Madonna Nope. This song sucks.
At least the opening scene sets the tone for what kind of movie this is going to be? Surfing into North Korea? Bold choice, MI6. And it tells the audience right away not to expect anything special in the special effects/CGI department.
Jinx is the Worst
It’s safe to say the acting in Die Another Day isn’t great. And while there’s plenty of blame to go around, Halle Berry shoulders the brunt of it. I mean, just look at the scene where she meets Bond. Just horrendous. Yes, the shot of her coming up out of the water is iconic and Berry is a no-doubt, absolute rocket. But what value does it add to the movie? None, I’d argue. Right off the bat, the movie is telling its viewers, “Hey! She’s hot which means she’s important! And she’s important because she’s hot!”
And it certainly doesn’t help that Jinx’s good looks turn out to be one of her better qualities. Bad story, bad acting, even worse lines. It’s a shame. I like Halle Berry, and there’s no denying her talent. But this role was a big swing and a miss. I don’t think it’s a bold statement to say Jinx is easily one of the worst characters in Bond history.
Then there’s the ending fight scene against Miranda, which probably has the worst line of them all.
Also this one.
Whoops, sorry, wrong movie. But. It still plays.
Sword Fight
This honestly might be the most reckless thing Bond does. Sure it’s a cool-looking fight, but it makes no sense. First blood drawn from the torso? Absolutely wild stakes. And they have the fight in a super public place, surrounded by other people, very expensive things, and even more people. It’s kind of played for laughs, but either one of them could have easily decapitated a completely innocent person.
The “The Movie Has Time For This” Moment
Probably the most pointless scene in the movie, and that’s impressive given the plethora of pointless scenes in the movie. With a run-time of 2 hours and 13 minutes, there was just no need to include this. All it does is set up a bad joke at the end of the movie.
Look! A Laser Fight!
Lol.
Everyone just automatically knows how to operate this laser doohickey? The one that seemingly has no button notations nor instructions or even guidelines? Yeah, makes sense. But don’t worry, the writers made sure to give Halle Berry some terrible one-liners, as anyone would have time for in this kind of perilous situation.
Wind Surfing
Lol again. This was always going to be ridiculous. But then you combine the basic what’s happening of the situation with these truly atrocious special effects? They’re laughably bad. Like “I’m legitimately laughing out loud” laughably bad.
Bottom Line
Die Another Day is a dumb movie. I don’t think too many people would argue that point. But at least it’s fun dumb. You will have a good time watching it. A common theme among the James Bond series is “Enjoy them for what they are.” And I don’t know if that is ever more true than with Die Another Day. Turn your brain off, lose all expectations, and enjoy yourself.
Score:55/100. This movie is ridiculous of course, but at the end of the day, a James Bond movie is still a James Bond movie. Entertainment value is a legitimate factor. And even though much of Die’s entertainment value comes from its absurdity, it still counts just the same.
Up Next
From Russia with Love. The scores have gotten lower each time so far, but that trend should turn around with this next one.
